Shit Happens

Monday, February 07, 2005

More Sex

In actuality, I don't care if I up my "number". It's probably already high enough that I would have to double it for it to phase a person more then it already does. And if I hear one more guy go on about wanting a virgin, or not dating a woman they have slept with X amount of people, I'm going to do the world a favor and straight away just cut their insecure, pathetic cock into two pieces. Do men grow out of that? It doesn't seem like it.

But that's really besides the point. I decided a long time ago if a man was going to give me a hard time about how many people I had fucked then I would just lie about it. I know, sounds horrible, but if you know you're std free and haven't been indulging in "risky behaviors" anytime recently, it's really no one else's business what your past is, especially your partner. Why put yourself in a position like that where someone you care about is going to unfairly judge you and you can't do anything to change it?

That said, I've never lied to anyone about how many people I have slept with. I think the closest I would even come to doing that is say, "It's none of your business, take it or leave it".

But if guys weren't such jerks and dating wasn't so awkward, people wouldn't even need to have casual sex. That's a lie. But it would sure make my life easier. I would like to have a sickenly close friend I depended and loved like a romantic partner, with similar types of warmth and anticipation, and then just have some type of emotion-free service for everything sexual. And probably spread this surrogate boyfriend thing between several people, so one person doesn't feel weighted down, and there is a back up when someone goes on vacation.

Would that head off any potential hurt feelings or future disappointment that is destined to be in my (or anyone's) relationship furture? There has to be a solution, something better than what seems to be going on now among my generation. (every generation?)

When I perfect this brilliant plan, I'm going to paten it and make millions. I'll invite my closest friends to live with me and only screw the pool boy.

8 Comments:

  • At 7:41 PM, Blogger philo said…

    won't somebody (you) end up fucking the surrogate boyfriend? or he'll have to be a nice guy that you're not interested in, and then he'll get bored or jealous of all the free sex you're getting.

     
  • At 7:42 PM, Blogger philo said…

    also, i had the best time at mardi gras and soon i'm gonna tell you all about it.

     
  • At 8:21 PM, Blogger Blog ho said…

    always lie about how many sex partners. always. it's no one's business but yours.

     
  • At 5:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Guys only ask in the rare occasion they don't know. Most women have a reputation leading into the sack.

    IF asked, the guy either doesn't know shit about you, and is hoping you're clean... is hoping you are inexperienced and can somehow make you cry or say he pissed on a virgin,.. or he couldn't beleive the reputation he heard.

    Guys should triple the amount they hear, cause women never tell the truth about it anyway. Women have a strange way of not counting people... either because they "don't remember" as if you pass out whenever aroused, or some other made up reason like the penis got cuddled in and you didn't climax.

     
  • At 8:17 AM, Blogger aughra said…

    I feel that if anyone has a problem with the number (and mine's a high one), they need to be reminded that all that practice made me the fierce fuck I am today.

     
  • At 8:49 AM, Blogger Marilyndrew said…

    philo- i don;t want to hear ANY sex/relationship/dating advice from you. ok, maybe sex, but that's it...

    ho- good to hear it from a guy. sometimes i would prefer to be lied to also.

    "Anonymous"- men need to get over "reputations", what their friends think, and what they hear
    i heard you only sleep with crazy women anyway

    aughra- i do enjoy being a fierce fuck ;)

     
  • At 12:33 PM, Blogger philo said…

    i still owe you for caroline advice. but it sounds like you're letting me off the hook.

     
  • At 12:39 PM, Blogger Marilyndrew said…

    you still owe me for kelly, mary, AND caroline advice. but yes, you are off the hook

     

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