Shit Happens

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Stranger-Danger(?)

You know, I hate men.

That's a lie. I love my guy friends. And I love cock. (preferably outside of my male friends-haha)

But I think I should start making appointments for sex. I'm female, we don't have to pay for anything, we just set it up. I might even have both parties wear blindfolds so I don't have to recognize or talk to the man ever again.

Why are men such dicks about taking any type of critisim? My mom, whom I continue to listen too, as crazy as she can be, always says to me, "The more you stroke a man, the more he'll do for you." Or, " The more you stroke a man the further you get with him". I forget which.

So I've spent years trying to kiss ass, which I'm really bad at. Not in the doormat-let-me-smile-while-you-beat-me-way, just a lot of "You're the best I've ever had" and "You're so funny". I know it sounds kind of sick, but it's really just the little stuff, and generally exaggerations of the truth.

I have also done a lot of listening to men, their problems, and helped them "find" themselves. They generally move on, and thank me sometime later. I think this is a chargeable service and that I should receive a retroactive payment.

You would think after all this dating "work" that I would get some more on the other side besides free dinner and berating.

I need a new approach. Or to go back to sleeping with strangers. It's much easier not to expect anything out of them.

14 Comments:

  • At 2:33 PM, Blogger PinkQuacker said…

    I am a big fan of dial a dick.... cock with no consiquence, no conversation, just pure good old fasioned sex on call whenever you want it.

     
  • At 2:33 PM, Blogger PinkQuacker said…

    I am a big fan of dial a dick.... cock with no consiquence, no conversation, just pure good old fasioned sex on call whenever you want it.

     
  • At 2:48 PM, Blogger Blog ho said…

    Please stop listening to your mom. She clearly doesn't know shit. Men like to be degraded and fucked w/out mercy.

     
  • At 8:07 PM, Blogger Mister Jinxy said…

    Can't take criticism! What the fuck are you talking about??!!!

    Oh...

    I see your point.

     
  • At 8:49 PM, Blogger ty bluesmith said…

    umm. you're kinda mean sometimes, though..

     
  • At 12:12 PM, Blogger stoli said…

    Try Craig's List casual encounters. I've never done it, but there's gotta be a lonely business man that's legit in there somewhere.

     
  • At 2:50 PM, Blogger Marilyndrew said…

    pink- "dial-a-dick"

    loves it!


    ho- stop talking about my mom. do i talk about your mom?

    but i'm going to start

    jinxy- thanks for helping to prove my point. acknowleding your faults as a sex is the first step to unruining women's lives

     
  • At 2:52 PM, Blogger Marilyndrew said…

    t- i think i just have a bad sense of humor.

    stop sticking up for you jerks. jerk!

    stoli- there is no craig's list springfield.

    and i'm not quite ready to take it to that level.

    although i have checked out some of the monster cocks on there and am more than mildly "impressed"

     
  • At 11:24 PM, Blogger ty bluesmith said…

    but not yahoo messenger? clear proof that the universe hates me.

     
  • At 10:02 PM, Blogger aughra said…

    I think retroactive payment should be a must.

     
  • At 10:47 PM, Blogger baggiegenes said…

    You should just start having more fun. Like when one of these guys is really going at you and thinks he's a stud you should just blurt out "Remember when you were crying last week because your mom doesn't love you, I was telling all my friends about that and we laughed and laughed."

    And then lay in his arms afterwards and say "I'll have to tell my next boyfriend to do it like you do....only longer"

     
  • At 11:18 PM, Blogger Amber Lynn said…

    Boys rhyme with toys for a reason. If you find a man, he won't appreciate the games anyway.

     
  • At 5:12 PM, Blogger Marilyndrew said…

    t- i'm a bitch, we don't consider other people's felings, or needs

    aughra- you understand. you always understand

    baggie- funny.
    i feel bad since you must have dated some horriably mean women.
    but it makes for good advice.

    amber- interesting viewpoint

     
  • At 10:28 AM, Blogger Carrie said…

    I love your blog, very funny! And you def made some valid observations here.......good on you girl. Men I think were born to to eat, drink and breathe sex.

     

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