Shit Happens

Friday, February 25, 2005

Lube Job

I FINALLY took my car in to have his oil changed. $30 later, and a quart(?) of fresh oil, they informed me the ALL of my belts are cracked, BOTH of my windshield wipers are torn, and there is an oil leak!! (exclamation points theirs, not mine)

None of this surprises me in that I leave behind puddles as a drive about, can't see in the rain, and my real life machinic told me I needed my belts replaced about 6 months ago. I only go to Brahler's for my oil changes, they don't get to actually fix any of these problems.

I am bribing brother (aka "Little Chrissy") today to fix my wipers, making an appt for the belts (and my blinker, which has been out for about 8 months- wiring )with my machinic, and already check my oil periodically, since my car is an '88. Anyone who has ever had an old car, or has to pick up a friend because their old car broke down, knows that old cars are often sick.

I spent the majority of my week at work sending our poetry submissions and resumes using church supplies. Makes me feel better for all the times that god has personally screwed me. (just kidding) I did send out a really kick-ass parent newsletter, and if Publisher would cooperate with blog life, it would be posted.

I FINALLY weighed myself. I've lost at least 5lbs in the past few weeks. It might be closer to 10, I didn't look that closely at the scale and would rather over estimate. My mom told me my face looks thinner, moms are great at lying about weight, boys, and their children's general likablity.

I love my mom.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

I am a GIVER

Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male

Your brain leans female

You think with your heart, not your head

Sweet and considerate, you are a giver

But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

Not Masterbating Causes...Rape?

Kidney Stone Update:
Stones can be found in regular X-rays. I had to do a special dye X-ray because they were searching for stone remnants, not just used tampons. Dad is still cranky and not getting them zapped until Monday.

Gym Update
I did not make it to the gym AGAIN this morning, which means I have to go tonight, exhausted. I'm eating better, exercising, and taking vitamins. I don't understand why I am so tired. I worked my ass off last night, but only did 55 minutes of cardio. I am going to make an appt. with my doctor for suggestions/advice. I may enough for my insurance, I might as well take advantage of it.

Why are men's whitie-tighties so damn disgusting?? Women wear white cotton underwear, and as far as I know, it doesn't get gross. If it gets holy, they throw it out. It doesn't get stretched out and acquire skid marks. If it did, women are smart enough to know this is not an acceptable article of clothing and replace it.

Unless it's for athletic purposes, I don't think men should wear them regardless. They look silly even on the hottie models. But if it has to happen, at least keep an eye on them. Don't let them get like your socks, which is a whole other issue, which is easier for me to understand. (although I don't own a single pair of stained and/or holy socks)

I got to see my favorite custodian today and got some coffee. He is my favorite church employee. When I worked at the homeless shelter, I liked the residents so much better than my bosses. Why is this? It may be due to the fact that most of my bosses at the shelter were people of god. I mys prefer heathens.

Funny Story
When I worked at the homeless shelter this guy, Robert, was really concerned I would go to hell because I did not accept Jesus Christ as the son of god and my savior. Robert is a convicted rapist/murderer. Robert is so into god, now that he has found him, that he does not even masturbate. (I know, more information than I needed to know too)

Well, apparently not masturbating does bad things to a person, Robert was sent back to prison for attempted rape and hopefully never gets out. (how many chances can one person get??)

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Kidney Stones

I talked to my dad last night (briefly). He did go to the doctor and does have (5) kidney stones. However, I didn't ask how they knew there were 5 in there. My mom said there is one in each kidney; she didn't specify the location of the other 3.

The last time I had kidney stones they had to X-Ray to find the suckers. I knew they were in there, since I was doubled over in pain. As far as I know, you have to X-Ray for them, or strain your pee looking for them as they come out to know for sure if they are there (possibly after they are zapped with a laser). I've never had to do the straining, and I kind of think I wouldn't, I would just take my chances, if the pain went away, I would assume the stone left.

Let me tell you about the X-Ray process for kidney stones. First, you have to empty your entire bladder, intestines(?), etc. This means no food or liquid for like 12 hours. Maybe I got water, I can't remember. Then, you give yourself an enema, like the porn stars do before ass sex, to clear the rest out. In case you've never had to do this, it involves squirting saline in your ass so everything that is in there empties out. (hey, if I had to go through it, you have to hear about it) This alone would ruin my career as a porn star, it's pretty damn gross.

Next, you go to the hospital and get injected by a huge needle filled with blue dye. You can feel it burn as it goes through your body. You wear a paper hospital gown and remove any jewelry. My tampon showed up on the screen. The doctor thought this was great. Like she found a secret.

In addition to tampons, and anything you happen to miss when you empty your bowels, stones show up. Then they decide whether to zap them or make you drain your pee to ensure propper passing. Theoretically, they can block your bladder and kill you.

My dad said he can't get into the urologist until Monday, they just gave him obscene painkillers, which barely touch the pain, until then. :(

The pain from kidney stones is suppose to be comparable to the pain of giving birth. I don't know of anyone who has had both to ask to find out if this is actually true.

They give you epidurals for babies...

Clearing My Head To Start The Day

I went to bed last night around 10pm, but not only could I not wake up at 5:30am for the gym, I barely got up at 7:30am!! (which is about the time I usually leave for work) I had showered last night, so I skipped one this morning, washing my face, brushing my teeth, and pulling on clothes off my floor. -clean socks and underwear, that's all that really counts-

Any suggestions why I'm so damn tired all the time?

I started taking vitamins, because I thought it might help. I'm eating heather, and even more protein. Maybe I just need to give it some more time for everything to catch up with me.

I did cardio for an hour and 15 minutes last night, tonight I'm shooting for an hour and a half. Since I nearly always forget about weights, I just up my resistance on whatever cardio machine I'm doing and pretend that will help with muscle. (did I make that up?) Oprah's 8 times a week is impossible. I'm shooting for 8 hours instead of 8 workout sessions and will probably fall a little short this week. I'm pretty confident I can get it up to 7 or 8 hours next week, if I can't do that much cardio maybe it will finally motivate me to do more weights and I'll just add that time into my 8 hours goal.

I just make this shit up. I'm happy I get off my ass to do anything. I get free sessions with a personal trainer but I'm scared of them so I just guess.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005


I remember why I never have anything to do at work, because they give it to me all at once! The pastor wants to me make a church bulletin, in addition to the 2 youth bulletins I already do, and a parent one. Which shouldn't be a big deal, I can edit and do layouts ok. But he's acting like I should come up with magical copy to fill 2 pages. I don't even go to church, let alone here. The the fuck would I write about? I am not going to look up what is "hip" in bible news today. I need to protect the little integrity I have left.

I forgot to fax this print usage report, which will cost the church $100. Before I got here, one of the Pastors forgot to do it, so at least I'm not alone. I'm faxing it today, late, which won't make a difference. But they won't know until they get the bill and then I am going to feel even worse. They don't provide me with a calendar, and I only have a daily one on my desk, nothing to remind me to fax this stupid copy report. I'll come up with a new system by tomorrow. (probably just print my own calendar in Publisher)

I have this budget stuff I need to do in excel, but I don't really know how to do anything in excel except make plain spread sheets and input data. Some of the data that needs to be input is missing and the Pastor acts like I should be able to magically find it (it's not even that important) but the accountant has been keeping track of it up until now.

I realize I don't do shit most of the time, and I probably shouldn't complain, but it's frustrating to be given incomplete directions and projects I can't finish until they get around to giving me the information.

On top of that, my mom said my poor dad has 5 kidney stones he needs to have removed. I didn't even know you could get 5 at once. He must have went to the doctor, because usually he just waits them out (very unsafe). I haven't found a painkiller to cut kidney stone pain; he's going to be a raging ass when I get home. Hopefully he has them zapped tomorrow. I feel really bad he is in pain, but he lets serious medical problems go.

I have my period and I'm still doing this dieting/extra exercising thing. The exercising makes me feel better, great stress relief, but there never seems like a convenient time to go. Which brings me back to how I can't get out of bed at 5:30am like I should (best time for a bunch of reasons) to get moving.

I'm working on it. And at least I don't have kidney stones. And my doctor took pity on me a long time ago prescribing adivan. (clausipin?) Two of those suckers generally calms my occational panic attacks.

Custodian #2

We have 2 custodians here at church work, both named Roy. We'll call them Roy #1 and Roy #2.

Roy #1 and I are buddies, we drink coffee together; the pastor appears proud to be an "occational diet coke drinker" and not a coffee drinker. This is very convenient in that I have never actually used a coffee maker by myself. #1 and I enjoy our not-so-secret indulgence together several mornings a week.

Roy #2 annoys the shit out of all of us. Nice guy, but annoying as hell. Roy #1 realizes how obnoxious #2 is, and avoids him like the plague. Today Roy #1 had me e-mail #2 about some cleaning supplies we needed. I was thankful he didn't have me call, as #2 WILL NOT GET OFF THE PHONE. He's nosy and goes through my things. I really want to throw what looks like used condoms in the trash to see how fast he picks them out and tattles on me.

Last week #2 set out some unfinished bulletins that were to be mailed home for Sunday services. They were UNFINISHED, in various states of revision, and in a pile by my computer. He goes through everything. The pastors have caught him going through financial files. He had made himself keys to every door in the church.

No one gave him all these keys, he somehow took molds of the locks and used the key maker he has in his garage to make his own sets. And someone married and reproduced with this man.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Husband and Wife

Husband and Wife
(inspired by Edward Hirsch’s Husband and Wife)

I fell asleep with your body beneath me-
your arms spread in curtains,
your feet tangled in a mass of sheets,
your warmth searched an eternity to match
my own, only once,
as if pushed into you from
Some great distance, from oblivion itself.
I carved myself from you, rolling
away into my own shape, we
were two halves of something that
didn’t quite fit into one body-
a jumble of cells, atoms, really,
floating on fire ready to burst
apart in a storm of time passing away.

Then we fell into each other
breaking new ends to our halves, we allow
our two hands to cup as one
The horror-the realization-was unbearable
and we renewed ourselves, tasting
one another, discovering our nakedness . . .
I feel asleep with your body next to me.
Already awake, you had been staring at my
closed eyes, and falling breasts, watching
me like a stranger just discovering a new
lover, scarcely touching until your went to
the door again, reaching for the handle to turn
the lock.

I wrote this a while ago for class. It's a hirsch knock-off, and I kept it in his orginal style, but I'm thinking it needs to be changed, I don't like the numebring and some fo the wording doesn't match. I'll try to find his poem by the same name to post for a comparison.

Nothin But Time

Some Updates:

The job interview Thursday went OK. Far from my best, but I think the interviewer liked me. (I'm a likeable girl) I don't have any actual experience in what I would be doing, but it's not ultra complicated and they could easily teach me whatever I needed to learn. The benefits are great and I would be paid nearly $10,000 more than what I expected.

Today I'm writing a thank you letter, which will very likely be posted on here for comments before I send it out.

I DID call the ex on Saturday, but it was late in the night after drinking too much. (my phone says 4am) Why do people call exes at 4am? That's right, boooooot-y. However, I do remember feeling happy when I got off the phone with him, which is, unfortunatly, all I remember, so I guess it went well. I don't have any lingering romantic feelings for him that could have leaked out, and I really have no desire to screw him. I'm assuming the call went ok. I'll know if/when he calls me back to tease me about it.

Diet day #1 isn't going so well. I woke up at 5:30 to go to the gym, but couldn't drag myself out of bed. I want to get in the habit of going in the mornings, but for today, going to tonight should be just as productive, if not more. (no time constraint) I already ate something "white". I had left-over rice for breakfast, which is actually a trick, because it was brown. But it comes from the earth, which makes it healthy and I don't feel too bad about it. I had an apple as a snack, and apples are red, which makes them ediable.

My pants are starting not to fit, but they don't look any better, just worn out and unattractive. I'm not ready for the next size down yet, but almost. When that happens I will do a non-alcoholic happy dance.

I Shouldn't Be Allowed Out Of The House

I came into work this morning and there is something that looks like dried cum on my desk. No, it's not mine. I can't imagine how our anal rainman custodian missed it; it must be recent. Right now, there is a a piece of paper covering it, but I imagine I'll be cleaning it off at some point today.

This weekend was the weekend of birthdays. First, Ed's on Friday night. He was excited I made him a 2pac card and found some bad 2pac poetry to go inside of it. He even agreed with me that 2pac should have stuck to just rapping. But when you're a dirty hot rap king 2pac you can do whatever you want.

Just a thought: If 2pac was still alive I think him and Paris Hilton would hook-up. It would be the dirtiest hot hook-up of all time.

I didn't drink Friday for a number of reasons, primarily because I had a bottle of vodka waiting for me at home for Laura's birthday, Saturday night. I like to pretend I have limits.

Saturday was good, what I remember of it. I made it through at least 3/4 of the vodka, with only a hot pocket and cookies in my stomach. Unfortunately, what I don't remember of it wasn't so good. Once again, I forgot that I don't have my college tolerance AND I forget that I black out. (which hasn't happened in years) I left the bar early because I knew I didn't need to drink anymore, then one of my friends pretty much had to take care of me once we got back. Sorry again Blake, I owe you lunch and darts or something. Defiantly sober.

I'm too old for this stuff!!

Today kicks off 3 months of no drinking for this crazy diet I'm doing with my mom. It also means 8 hours/ week of cardio. I think it is actually suppose to be 8 trips to the gym each week, but I doubt I'll go twice in one day, so I'll just add some time to each work out. Coincidently, it also gives me time to think about what a lush I can be and how I put other people out.

That said, I have the best friends ever. Stefan, I'm sorry I didn't cuddle with you, you have dibs on cuddles next time.

Sunday, February 20, 2005


Leo - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You're almost always the center of attention - and easy for potential dates to spot

Your happiness and optimism is appealing to all... and contagious!

You don't hold grudges - getting over little fights is no problem for you

Your negative traits:

You tend to ignore relationship problems, until they are too big to handle

You crave luxury, and you are disappointed with partners who can't provide you with it

If someone does you wrong, you'll coldly and cruely break their heart

Your ideal partner:

Someone high status enough to bring you more attention - but not so great that they upstage you

Makes you laugh and brings excitement to everything you do together

Is aggressive and confident enough to butt heads with you every so often

Your dating style:

High expectations. You need to be impressed with an incredible first date for a second one to occur.

Your seduction style:

You like to make the first move - you're fearless about initiating things

Passionate. You really get into any intimate act.

Aggressive. Most of the time, you find yourself wanting sex more than your partner.

Tips for the future:

Try to not need so much attention. You'll feel less ignored, guaranteed.

Learn to love your parnter for who they are - not how they help advance your life.

Let your partner shine occasionally. You don't always have to be the alpha dog.

Best color to attract mate: Gold

Best day for a date: Sunday

Get your free love profile at Blogthings.

What I enjoy most is that it compares me to a dog and states that I selfishly use people.