Shit Happens

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Number WHAT??!!?

I just read this post on Overworked & Underf*cked about "numbers".

Why is the number of people you've (or I've) slept with so scandalous? Even the non"skankist" of my girlfriends are at least pushing double digits.

I can't bring myself to lie to anyone about the number, but I will say "none of your damn business". But all you people that are lying are making me look bad. And besides, I've never had sex in Vagas OR on vacation, where I can cross it off as not counting.

Sheeze.

Fun Story:

My friend recently attended a baccalaureate party. (this is real life my friend this time, not me, seriously guys- all my first degree friends are too ho-y to get married- JUST KIDDING! love you all!!) One of the all girl games they played involved writing down how many people she had screwed. At about 15 she was afraid she was going to have the highest number and feel embarrassed.

Come to find out, she was on the low end. AND the bride-to-be had a guy on her list called "neighbor". I guess she never got around to getting his name.

That's awesome.

Mid Night Phone Calls

I'm trying to get used to moody people.

As a former moody person I should be used to their bi-polar ways. I mean, I'm still regular moody, but I used to be regularly a raging bitch moody. I'm better at controlling my temper and mood swings now.

So my moodiest friend didn't talk to me almost all day yesterday, minus a few minutes on-line. That's ok, I was busy at work. (haha) In real life, that's not a big deal.

But I got three 1am phone calls from him. Three.

I was sleeping. I was espeically sleeping extra deeply if we hadn't talked all day and you decide to call at 1am, when I have work the next day, presumably to "hang out". (I have to guess the reason, I don't have voice mail)

I generally don't bring my phone to bed with me, but what if I had and I slept through the first call and the second or the third woke me up? Would you call someone at 1am, without prior talking to them to see if they would be around/awake, when they had work the next day?

Something to consider.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Letter of Resignation

I just put this on my boss's desk. He's out for a few hours and I want to leave early because I'm a big pussy and hate letting people down and I know his feelings are going to be hurt. (since I'm the third employee to quit this month)

But I won't.

Dear ,

Thank you for the opportunity to work at First General Baptist Church. I really appreciate what this church stands for, the support it provides for its members, and the community as a whole.

After much thought, and serious discussions with family and friends, I have decided to pursue a different career.

Therefore, this letter is to announce my resignation from First General Baptist Church starting today. My last day will be Thursday, April 7, 2005.

Please let me know what I can do to make my final time here a productive experience.

Regards,

Let Me Help You With Those Pants

Why do guys have such a hard time finding jeans that look good?

My little (19) brother Chrissy actually has the best looking pants. I know because I do his laundry. He also has more clothes than anyone I know, minus his girlfriend, and Farah. All of these clothes seem to go through the laundry on a weekly basis. If he wasn't color blind, he would be doing his own laundry, and mine too. (that's a lie, he's spoiled rotten and my mom would take over)

Little Chrissy spends a million dollars on his jeans, buying them from Abrocombie, and who knows where else. They look good and last about a month. But for that month, he's a stylin' little man. (at 6')

Phil G.'s jeans seem like they fit well, especially for an agriculture major whom works at a sporting goods store. But on the other hand, Philly's on the far side of metro-sexual.

Men: Buy a pair a jeans that look awesome on you. Wear then everyday. We know you wear your leftovers from high school everyday, we do the same thing. (but don't tell) It's time to break in a new pair. I recommend a darker wash with a slightly flared leg. In recent memory, I've never actually been pants shopping with a guy, so that's all the advice I have.

A nice pair of pants will end your weekend "What to wear" whoas. Really.

Workin' Girl

I got the job!!!!! I start April 11th.

Now I just need to right my letter of resignation at the church. It's bad timing since one of the youth pastors and a custodian (not the creepy one) just quit.

I woke up too late to shower and am really disgusting. After work I plan to run out to Khol's for some new gym shoes and then head out to the gym to test them out. Then shower off all this filth.

Today, I'm going to look on line at some more Mini Coopers (which I really can't afford unless I live at home for at least 6(?) more months), computers, and a cruise for next summer to take with Laura for her graduation from rock school.

Car/computer/cruise suggestions/advice are much appreciated. :)

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Before I Die...

On the radio this morning the hosts went over their lists of what they want to do before they die. Theirs were much shorter then mine.

To Do List
by Melissa Marie
1) Have a book published
2) Earn a PHD
3) Go back to London (maybe live there, maybe)
4) Take a trip to the Galopogos Islands to see giant turtles
5) Trip to Madagasgor to see giant cockraoches (just kidding, I'll skip the roaches)
6) Go on a cruise
7) Learn to ski and snowboard
8) Learn to waterski
9) Do snorkeling (sharks and all!)
10) Fall in love and get married
11) Take a hot air balloon ride
12) Go to a circus
13) See the Grand Canyon
14) Run a marathon
15) Smoke a Cuban Cigar
16) Quit smoking
17) Get back to my (starting!) college weight
18) Pay off all my debt

My ass is like...WHOA!

The insurance (job) people called me yesterday and I MISSED IT!! This is what happens when you're lazy and don't set up your voicemail. (I give you my home number for jobs) Hopefully, today will be the day and I can dance naked in the streets. Hell, if I didn't need my last 2 weeks paycheck here I would dance naked in the church. While screaming "Goddammit!". And soliciting sex from everyone I see, male or female.

No, I really haven't done that before.

************

I went to the gym this morning, second trip so far this week, I went 4 days last week- I'm getting there. S l o w l y. But it's happening. I actually used the weight machines today, which is a big step for me. I sat on one backwards and luckily looked at the picture before I tried to use it. THAT'S why I've been scared of them.

************

My mom is bringing me lunch today. She's so nice to me.

************

On the radio this morning the morning people went over their lists of things they want to accomplish before they die. I'm writing one. It will be long(er). There's a lot I haven't done yet, but I'm working on it.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Sloth


My Favorite Animal

Bitch Slap

I'm cruising my usual morning blogs and come across this post from Shoo.

Now I love Shoo, and his tight little Shoo ass, I'm not tryn' to hate on the Shooster BUT...

you need to crawl out of the damn 1950s dude. Women leave the house. Unchaperoned. Even to bars. As a bar tender I would have thought you would have noticed by now that if a female enters a bar alone it is NOT just to get laid, as much as you may hope.

You amaze me sometimes, this along with previous comments, makes me wonder how your intelligent, vegetarian, apparently feminist minded girlfriend (often referred too as "Shoo's woman"- by us, making fun of Shoo for calling her "my girl" after approximately TWO WEEKS of dating) puts up with you.

The next guy I notice acting like he was holier-than-thou innocent before he met his current "woman" I'm bitch slapping.

No questions, just a bitch slap.

Blek

It's 1am and I can't sleep. I'm feeling all "blek".

I love my friends, and brag about them all the time because they're so great, but everyone is coupling up, which is awesome, but the rest of us end up sitting across from them at a table, watching them googley-eye and make-out. (that's only a slight exageration) I love being in love, but I don't understand the matching shirts and extreme PDAs.

My friends have been busy with their private PDA, which means I get to see them less (but prefer to the public out pouring).

On the flip side, I did run into some friends I haven't seen in years, which was great. I never know what to talk about though. Laura and I decided the next old friend we run into we're going to make up stories about hang gliding in south america with professional models until we do something really interesting that we want to talk about.

There's some other things going on, but this isn't really the appropriate place to mention them. I need a second secret blog, but that would give me 2 blogs and a private journal, and there's a limit to how much even I'll write. (at least about myself--contrary to recent opinion)

I was also told today that I'm moody and self-centered/self-involved, which is always nice to hear. I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve that one, but I think comments like that are generally an unhappy person attempting to spread his unhappiness, which I should make more of an effort to avoid. I have enough on my own to get me down without outside "support".

Yeah, so I bet you're happy you checked my blog tonight. :)