Stranger-Danger(?)

You know, I hate men.

That's a lie. I love my guy friends. And I love cock. (preferably outside of my male friends-haha)

But I think I should start making appointments for sex. I'm female, we don't have to pay for anything, we just set it up. I might even have both parties wear blindfolds so I don't have to recognize or talk to the man ever again.

Why are men such dicks about taking any type of critisim? My mom, whom I continue to listen too, as crazy as she can be, always says to me, "The more you stroke a man, the more he'll do for you." Or, " The more you stroke a man the further you get with him". I forget which.

So I've spent years trying to kiss ass, which I'm really bad at. Not in the doormat-let-me-smile-while-you-beat-me-way, just a lot of "You're the best I've ever had" and "You're so funny". I know it sounds kind of sick, but it's really just the little stuff, and generally exaggerations of the truth.

I have also done a lot of listening to men, their problems, and helped them "find" themselves. They generally move on, and thank me sometime later. I think this is a chargeable service and that I should receive a retroactive payment.

You would think after all this dating "work" that I would get some more on the other side besides free dinner and berating.

I need a new approach. Or to go back to sleeping with strangers. It's much easier not to expect anything out of them.

One Day...

Quickie Story:

Mom, Little Chrissy, (his gf) Jayde, and I are all in Little Chrissy's room last night. I ask Little Chrissy if he ever copied Vanity Fair for me, I really wanted to watch it again. He told me to rent it. I said I did, but he said he had it on his computer. He said he didn't want to pay for the blank CD. (he's so cheap, and I can be a mooch)

My mom tries to intervene and says, "Why don't you just copy all the CDs you copy for yourself for Melissa too?" Little Chrissy says it gets expensive and sweetie mom says she'll pay for them, because I'm spoiled and she wants to avoid an argument about how Chrissy is cheap and I'm a sponge.

I said, "Hold on, I don't need him to copy everything." Him and his girlfriend have HORRIBLE taste in movies and I didn't want him to waste his time.

My mom's like, "Chris, you should just copy them all. Melissa, one day you might have a boyfriend and you'll want to let him watch a movie he wants to watch."

Then they all laughed!

Tuesday the Tease

Blogger hates me and won't let me leave comments on my own blog. Other people's: yes, mine: no.

I was bored and felt crappy yesterday so I left work at 2pm. No one comes in on Monday afternoons so I doubt it will even be noticed. If it is, I'll just subtract it on my hours and let god keep his $20. I know, back to hell for my unethical ways.

I went to the gym last night. I only did 40 minutes of cardio; nothing was good on tv and I got really bored. 20 minutes of weights. Some of the leg ones look confusing, so I skip them. By the end of the week I'll have them figured out. I like going around 9pm when no one else is in there to see me try to use the machines backwards. (it hasn't happened yet, but it did, almost)

I'm eating grapes for breakfast. I was eating really well (relatively) and then started to slide once I noticed I lost some weight. Now I'm not loosing any weight anymore and my tummy feels like it's a separate entity. No, there are not entities inside of it, it feels like a blob of it's own. I'm working on that.

Tuesday morning is better than Monday.

Floppy Fridays

I had double girls nights this weekend. It was great.

I broke down and drank for the second weekend in a row, and was once again reminded why I haven't been drinking. I felt like crap Saturday afternoon and barely left my bed to crawl into Farah's bed Saturday night.

That was a tease, nothing dirty happened. We just watched movies, smoked too many cigarettes, and stayed up chatting. I like blogs (like Stoli's, which I'm too lazy to link right now) where they make up nicknames for everyone. I'll think of some soon.

Friday was girls night with Jenny and Farah. I saw the hottest guy ever. It's hard to find adult men with floppy hair and I feel really gross when I figure out the shaggy, tall hottie guy I'm checking out is really 16. It happens often.

So I'm buzzed and I see this guy who's tall, with floppy hair, my favorite and hard to find outside of high school and college campus's. Farah gets sick of me checking him out and makes me talk to him. She has a way of making me feel like a big pussy until I do whatever it is she wants me too.

So I offer to buy him a shot. He's super polite and calls me "m'am". I didn't think a stoner and the cowboy mixed (I associate "m'am" with cowboys) but apparently good manners work on anyone. I notice his eyes are glassy and all kinds of fucked up and am hoping he's not really a crack addict. He's nice, but hard to talk too, and I assume he's not interested.

A few minutes later he comes over with a shot for me and we talk some more. He asks me if I smoke pot. I notice his shirt, which I thought said "N.E.R.D." really says "HERB" and has a leaf on the back. He's 25 and I think he does lawn service.

I know, I sound like a pretencious ho, but I just don't feel like dealing with another burnout stoner. We went to another bar together, but I got wrapped up in other stuff and forgot to say bye to him there when I left. He said he had been drinking since 6pm that day and by the end of the night appeared too fucked up to function. I imagined going home with him for him to pass out 5 minutes later. He lived in some little dinky-ass town outside of Springfield, and that's too much traveling for ungarenteed ass.

Moral of the story is that I am happy I took the balls out of my purse to go talk to a guy. My days of casual sex are behind me and I would have turned him down anyway.

Really, I would have. Floppy hair and all.

Moody Monday

I woke up in the worst mood today. How does that happen? Maybe because I slept most of yesterday.

My skin looks like I'm 13 again, predermatologist visits.

The pants I just bought are much too big for me. In the store they fit, but after I wore them for an hour or so Friday night they started to fall down. I thought they would shrink in the wash, but they're not suppose to be dried, so now I just have big pants. My green cotton undies, with red lady bugs, are hanging out all over the place. I wore tall shoes so I didn't step on the big pants; now I'm stuck in 4 inch boots all day. (which are in desperate need of polishing)

Can the waist on pants be altered smaller? I bet the sewer people can just take in the side seems a smudge or something.

I bought these awesome new sun glasses this weekend too. I forgot them and had to squint all the way to work this morning. (which I showed up too 15 minutes late)

Someone moved some of my piles of crap around in my office and now I have to organize them again.

I might be leaving at lunch today. Probably to nap some more and wallow in my crankiness.