Shit Happens

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Bad Girl

There's this girl who is always trying to one-up everyone (at least the other girls) and tries to make the other girls we hang out with feel bad. (she's not a first degree friend- I don't chose her company)

She can be cool, and fun, (trying to focus on the positive here) but once you see that side of someone, in multiple incidents, it's hard to be nice. And her latest demeaning (attempted) gossip was directed toward me. And this is on going, not like a bad day or anything. She has to be the center of attention AND tries to make other people look bad.

But we're stuck with her. (I can't really explain how) And even though we say "hello", but leave it there, she invites herself into conversations and is unavoidable.

This is a test for my temper and blunt tounge. I'm doing well, but I needed to vent. At least a little.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

teeny-tiny-weenie-deposit machine

Why do bathroom stall doors open in?

Aren't they already small enough without making us shove our bodies against the dirty toilet we just spent all our effort to avoid touching, just so you can exit the thing towalk to the sink, which may, or may not, have soap and paper towels, and deffinatly has a nasty door handle we are going to try to open with our feet, legs, elbows, etc?

Panty Update

Almost everytime I work out my panties rub on my bikini line. I've tried nearly every pair of undies I have, and none of them feel any different.

I'm considering going to the gym comando.

But it sounds really gross. I wash my workout pants after every trip, but it still doesn't sound right.

Does anyone else work out sans panties or have any suggestions?

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Boob Update

I couldn't find a push up bra I was willing to ruin by shoving it under my sports bra and sweating in it, as suggested, so I just wore 2 sports bras.

There was still a lot of bouncing, but it was less obscene and not at all painful.

I'll Do It Longer Later

Love the new job! I haven't had anxeity this bad since I crammed 2 semeters into one during my last year of college, but it's worth it.

I got to work and I write. Yesterday I wrote a letter about hurricane preperation and flood insurence. Today I wrote about teacher of the year nominees.

I know, sounds lame, but it's great.

I have a cublicle; this grosses me out. I would rather work in a windowless vault. Or outside in the grass. But for now, I'm looking for (non-breakable) items to decorate my space.

I'll try to come up with something more interesting later.

Day #2

Today was my second day of the new job.

A)(loudly) hit my head on my cubicle shelf
B)finally broke the Barbara Bush/Marilyn Monroe snow globe (spreading glass across the floor)
C)went to meetings and was assigned "projects"
D)found out where the cafiteria was in my building (but haven't been there yet- however, I am excited about the crushed ice!)
E) got in my first car accident after work (my fault, nice guy, minimal damage, $75 ticket)
F) almost cried and/or had a panic attack several times

More updates to come.

Monday, April 11, 2005


I HATE dealing with men.

Two people involved in the same conversation and it's like they're speaking Spanish and French.

Scratch that, Japanese and Swahili.

How does that happen?

And why don't we just stick to fucking and stay mute? There is less room for misunderstanding during sex.

Too bad men somehow manage to fuck that one up too.

Directions: stick your cock in the hole dickwad and then do whatever the women says so she'll let you do it again.

Straight forward, eh?

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Moral of the Story

For some reason, I think that men want to "hang out" at 3am, when the bars are closing.

Now you might think this is prime pussy time, but my infalliable drunken logic tells me that you want to discuss literture.

No joke. True story.

A few months ago I'm at a bar with my girls and I start talking to this guy. He's all preppy and kind of has rosy cheeks, which is hard to pull off (if possiable at all), and it REALLY wasn't working for him.

We start talking about literture. He's a snob and says how he reads the classics, which I understand and don't hold against him. It's dissapointing when a person tells me they love to read and then go on about Stephan King. (there's nothing wrong with King, I've read a few of his books myself, but I do not consider him reference for a "serious reader")

So he's talking about real life books, and litterary styles, and home repairs. (I live in an old house, I know a little about remodeling) At no time does screwing his brains out cross my mind.


OK, that's a lie. I thought about it. Haven't you ever had sex with someone for their brain? In a non-sci-fi-kind-of-turned-on-way?

The idea was immediately vetoed.

However, he is a responsiable person and didn't want to drink and drive and needed a ride home. He was on my way. I come in for some advil, wine, and book talk.

Book talk lasted until 5am, when he wanted to go to bed. He said I was welcome to sleep with him. I asked him what size bed he had, agreeing when he said it was a queen. Which I assumed he would take to mean I wasn't going to lay close enough to him to actually touch him.

He tried to kiss me. It was gross. I went to sleep.

In the morning I was really embaressed and uncomfortable and snuck out early.

But forgot my coat.

Instead of going back there, and having to see him again and be faced with what could have happened had I been
A) hornier B) drunker or C) drugged.

I wasn't especially atttached to the coat and decided I would buy a new one. That was January(ish). It is now April. It's been cold.

But I'm glad I didn't go back.

And the moral of the story is, men don't invite women into their homes to discuss books.

Men and Their Alternate Realities

"This is too much like a relationship. 3am phone calls, you constantly telling me what is wrong with me, taking about what is 'going on'."

Ok, cool. You can fuck yourself and I won't feel guilty when I fuck other people.

No hard feelings dude

Smoking Extravaganza

My brother got me rolling my own cigerettes. His didn't taste so bad, and me being the broke/ass (that was for you ty) that I am, decided to give it a try.

It's been a process. First off, I ask the guy,

"What kind of tabocco should I get. I smoke menthol."

He says, "Get menthol tobacco."

Thanks jackass. "Nah, which brand? Is one better than the other?" I've only smoked Marboro Menthol LIghts for the past 4 years.

He pointed me to one that most people seem to buy. I pick up on of those $6 plastic "machines" to make them.

The entire purchase, which may last me weeks, was around $15. The cost of 3 packs of cigerettes, which would last me about 4 days.

I get it home. I try to roll one. Doesn't work. I try again. Nope. I thought maybe it was the filters I got, so I grab my brothers, they work just fine.

So now me and my cheap/ass are going to go back to the tabacco store and see if they will let me exchange my faulty $6 roller.

I'm looking forward to the belittling demonstration that will acompany this exchange.

As if just because I'm young and female means I'm cigerette retarded.

Oh yeah, and I have to bring my car in soon. But at least they're nice to me there.