Shit Happens

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Tree Update

My mom called one of the best arborists around, one of the nine that is approved by my neighborhood. (yes, if you hire someone to cut your trees, she/he must be Leland Grove approved)

The tree man has been written in tree journals for saving tree lives. Apparently, he is thee tree man.

Tree man came by and gave us a $200 bid to trim the hurty tree my mom damaged. Not bad, considering it would have been a couple thousand to replace and in this state you can sue for 2-3 times the tree's actual value.

The tree man said that the tree hadn't been trimmed in 30 years, it's entire life and that we were paying for our damage, but also tree neglect. Mom's ok with that because she wants to help the hurty tree and the angry man. (who is married to some mortgage broker whom owns half of Springfield and is rumored to be a raging bitch)

So tree man talked to the angry neighbor and the neighbor agreed to have his tree saved. Tree man said he would make sure Mr. Angry was there when he cut so he didn't make the angry man even angrier by cutting too much.

Hopefully, this is the end of the tree story. I wish I had pictures I could post for illustration.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

dirty shower

As I'm coming back from the gym this morning, my mom is leaving for work.

Mom is hanging around in her car, while I finish my cigerette, which I know means she wants to chat.

Mom ALWAYS wants to chat.

"Yes mom?"

"Our phones don't work and your dad said the TV blew out last night and it doesn't work either."

OK, I don't really use either.

"Also, there isn't much water pressure."

At least it's not cold.

And as she is driving down the driveway, and I have turned to go inside she says, "And there's some dirt coming out."


"Yeah, I think a water main broke or something. The shower still works. I think the dirt has all run out now."

Uh, thanks.

Monday, June 13, 2005

My "white trash" family

There was tree drama at my house this weekend.

A few years ago, my mom came home and tells me "Melissa, your dad bought me a chainsaw for Christmas."

Since my dad rarely buys my mom presents, and when he does, it's never anything practical, AND since I knew he was adamantly against cutting down trees that would decrease our property value, I was surprised.

"Mom, it's November. He already gave it to you?" I asked.

"No, it's been sitting in my trunk the past few months and I've been waiting for spring to bring it out."

Dad did not buy you a chainsaw, you bought yourself a chainsaw and are trying to hide it until the last possible second!

That spring mom busts out her chainsaw and her and my brother get to work trimming. The following year she buys herself a chainsaw on a stick, for those hard to reach branches.

Fast forward to this past weekend.

Mom and brother, and brother's friend, who mom hired to help for $100 were doing some tree trimming in the front yard. This specific tree down by the road was ruining her life, dropping leaves and branches, smothering her "babies." (otherwise known as grass seed)

Apparently, they misjudged how far this monster branch would fall and it dropped onto the neighbor's dogwood.

Since the neighbor's just knocked down their entire house that they just bough a few months ago, mom didn't think it would be that big a of a deal that a few of their branches were damaged. It was close to where they were rebuilding and she assumed they were going to have to take it out anyway, at least trim it up significantly.


The neighbor comes tearing over, "What did you do to my tree!! My wife loves that tree!" Now the tree is damaged, but in no way ruined. My mom apologized and said she didn't realize that out tree would hit their tree.

"You would have hired a professional to cut that tree! We bought our property to build around our tree!"

Uh, sorry dude. We have insurance.

Next, the police come to our house, with their sirens and lights on!

Mom tries to explain about the tree and how we'll pay for it and the cop says, "I'm just here to take pictures. I don't want to see you fighting with eachother."

We're not fighting, it's a tree.

The cop leaves and this car slows to a stop in front of our house while my mom and friends are clearing the debry.

"Did you cut down that branch?"

"Uh, yes."

"I can't believe you would cut down that tree! We live in this neighborhood for the trees. I just can't believe you would do that. You should have hired someone!"

"Um, hi, I'm Carolynn, and you are?"

She wouldn't give her name, she would just rant about the trees. Finally, my mom walked away.

We're waiting to see if their lawyer is going to contact us today.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Monday Boob Update

Although I hate PMS and bleeding more than most things, although I do enjoy my breasts during this time of the month.

I spent most of the day pattering around the house, (finally) reading The Poisonwood Bible, and holding my firm, round bosom.

They feel like water balloons filled with jello. But jello that doesn't jiggle all the way through; imagine jello that is somewhat baked in the center to make it firm, but gets squishy toward the outside like warm cookies.