Shit Happens

Friday, July 15, 2005

Nose hair inquiries

I have a smoker friend I see everyday at "smork".

He's an older guy (older than me), around 45ish. Very nice, I chat with him and another lady on breaks.

About two weeks ago I noticed he had a nose hair hanging out. I figured he was in a hurry and it would be trimmed the next day.

Nope.

In the last two weeks I've watched the hair grow. I don't want to look at it it, but it's on his face and hard to ignore. It's now at least a fourth of an inch long.

Do nose hairs eventually stop growing? In another month will he have to brush it off away from his lips when he speaks?

Being young, and female, I don't grow long nose hairs. Sometimes, I go a few days without shaving my legs, but I can't imagine letting a nose hair go. Are they like face hairs that sometimes grow by the end of the day? (five-o'clock nose shadow?) Are they tricky like that? Are people really THAT lazy?

Please, I want to know more about this nose hair life. I want to understand why seemingly normal, clean men would let their hair blow in the wind, assuming a booger won't attach itself, causing a real embarrassment.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

the missing link ...

I stole this from steve

When I die there will be drinking, cigarettes, and sex.

Only people wearing sheets will be aloud at the wake. Not toga sheets, securely fastened over the shoulder with a pair of jeans sticking out the bottom, but the real life blankets you rolled out of bed with. At the door there will be an inspector to make sure you didn't sneak anything on underneath because that would be cheating and make everyone who followed the rules bitter.

My leftover life insurance money wil be raffled off to ensure high attendance.

Anyone over 40 would have the option of wearing a Marilyn Monroe, sloth, or turtle costume. No one wants to see them in sheets anyway. Non-smokers would be required to smoke at least a pack in an effort to hook new smokers and increase my Phillip Morris stock.

All beverages will be spiked with vodka, but that won't be announced until everyone has arrived at the cemetery where there will be large tents erected. These tents will come down to give visitors an illusion or privacy while they are sexin, but peak holes will be provided for those less fortunate.

Dead bodies are kind of gross, so mine will not be present. Instead, there will be a giant blow-up Heidi Klum doll. She will wear a name tag that says "Melissa", so everyone knows it's me. I think Buddha icons started out with name tags too.

After everyone is drunk, and adequately sexed, couches will be brought out where everyone will cuddle and there will be a poetry reading. No one will leave because it is rude to leave during funerals.

After the service everyone will talk about what a good funeral it was and how good I looked.