Shit Happens

Friday, July 22, 2005

The case of the creepy security guard

Our building has two security guards under 65 and they are both pretty cute.

One of them is this hot, 21-year-old "punk" kid. He's nice to look at and chat with but very young. He's my second favorite gaurd after 70-something-year-old Cliff who takes smoke breaks with me.

My least favorite guard is some starer blonde guy. The Starer constantly makes uncomfortable eye contact with you as you walk by. Although he appears normal upon first glance, you soon get a glimpse of his creepy smile that matches his creepy stare.

If creepy starer man worked the door every day, he may become my sole reason to quit smoking. I feel like he counts the time I walk by and does dirty things to me in his head.

"How are you?" STARE. "Oh, fine." STARE STARE. "Ready for the weekend?" STARESTARESTARE. "Yeah, it never seems to come soon enough." STARE creepysmileSTARESTARE

It's Friday. I'm irritable and brain dead. That's all I got.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

To the door man, I salute you

Let me tell you about how I love it when men open the door for me.


At smerk, this happens all the time because most of the men are older and have manners. Outside of smerk, not so much. I really appreciate it when a guy actually hurries up to make sure to get the door for me, stands there holding it open while I walk through, and smile when I say "Thanks."

How did this go out of "style?"

Or car doors, those need to be opened too. I've dated guys and have a friend or two that just does it, walks all the way around to my door and opens it so I don't have to lay a perfectly functioning hand on it.

These men should wear little award signs and always get the front row at strip clubs, and the choice girlfriends.

Good manners and confidence will get you everywhere guys.

Monday, July 18, 2005

you think you know ... made a list of 100, I doubt I'll get that far

1) I can't wistle
2) I've never beed to the circus
3) Besides grease, the food I most often crave is CHEESE
4) I can hoola-hoop around my ankle
5) I've tried to quit smoking at least 7 times
6) I never want to have children
7) I love shoes, most of all red shoes
8) My patent's still pay my car insurence
9) I love history
10) I like doing crosswords
11) I can't spell
13) I have a male cat named "Princess"
14) I've never had a major surgery
15) I fell off my bike and broke my arm when I was 10
16) I slammed my hand through a window when I was 11 and have a nasty looking scar on the inside of my wrist
17) My favorate season is fall
18) I'm ALWAYS hot
19) Cuddling is one of my most favorate things ever to do
20) I'm not christian
21) I worked at a church
22) In college I did nude modeling for art classes
23) I'm horriable with money
24) I'll never get married until I have all my debt paid off, college included
25) I want to get married one day
26) My favorate car is a mini cooper, which I need to break down and buy, or quit talking about
27) I want to grow my hair down to my butt
28) I miss being blonde
29) I've been in one fight, the bitch got stiches and I had a single bruise
30) I naturally hold grudges against people, although I get better about it as I get older
31) I sleep naked
32) But will wear granny nightgowns, or a conservative robe, around the house
33) I don't live anywhere near the ocean, but an deathly afraid of sharks
34) But want to swim with them one day
35) I've never been on a cruise
36) The UK and Canada are the only places I've visited out of the US
37) I would be happy to move to either
38) My family is very close
39) I complain about my boobs, but love my cleavage
40) I write hand-written letters all the time
41) I'm bad about buying people birthday presents on time
42) I think sex and love are polar opposites
43) For this reason, I'm curious how long it will take me to sleep with a man the next time I fall in love
44) I like my feet and am constantly polishing, filing, and lotioning them to softness
45) I actually like anal sex
46) I like oral even more (and haven't had it in over 6 months ...)
47) I like my job
48) One day I hope to be paid actual money for my poetry
49) I hurt people's feelings on accident a lot. i'm sorry :(
50) lists make me feel organized