Have you ever received mail from a "friend" you hadn't heard from for FIVE YEARS?
Yeah, yesterday was my first time too.
You remember Kirsten? There's a reason she fell off the face of the earth and I haven't spoke to her since I was 19. If you don't know the story, I probably won't repeat it again, but go ahead and ask someone else, it's not a secret and everyone loves to gossip (doesn't bother me).
She grew up down the street from me and we lived at eachothers houses. I went on vacation with her family and dated her cousin. I love the friends I have now and wouldn't change them for anything, but I've never been as close to anybody since, the way her and I were close. (sorry guys, this is not going to turn into a lesbian porn story)
This girl ditched me not once, but TWICE in our eight years of friendship. The first time when we were first starting high school (I wasn't cool enough for her. No really, I wasn't) and then again in college, the semester I broke up with my only "grown-up" boyfriend and took 21 hours of class.
That's when I took up smoking.
Anyway, Kirsten dumped me and her wild past for a new boyfriend and Jesus. It freaked me out, since she went through lots of phases- which generally corresponded to her new boyfriend- drugs, sex, stealing, drinking - regular parts of growing up. But Jesus freaked me out because people don't always grow out of him and although I was willing to have get obliterated and exchange dirty stories with her, I couldn't identify with Jesus or her new holier-than-thou-my-shit-doesn't-stink attitude.
But I tried.
To make a long story short, the girl managed to upset my entire family. MY WHOLE FAMILY.
Huge accomplishment for a sophomore aged girl who doesn't even live in the same city, but she managed it. And I haven't talked to her since.
Fast forward five years. I come home from lunch and there's a letter from her, no return address. Handwritten letters with no return address just look suspect. (OK, this my be my first, but let's just pretend for a second that I have tons of long-lost friends throwing mail my way)
She said she had been thinking of me since my birthday last month (ours are 4 days apart) and was wondering how I was doing. She wants to clear the air and make sure there are no hard feelings.
She went to all that trouble and has still NEVER APOLOGIZED.
This girl meant the world to me (yes, I realize how unhealthily close we sound) and it took me years
to get over her. Even after months have went by without running into her family or running into an old friend who asks about her, I'll still sometimes have nightmares about her and her selective friendship.
Until I got her letter I was over it and didn't have bitter feelings toward her, I didn't even really think about her- at least consciencly. I hope she is safe and healthy and moves to Siberia so I never have to deal with her again in my life.
And now she wants to "clear the air" and make sure there are "no hard feelings between us."
"Look bitch, if you still feel bad about something you did 5 years ago, you probably made a mistake and you better keep begging Jesus to save you."
But I'll never say that. To her.
I'll probably unceremoniously burn the card, and her contact information, to seal my feelings of "closure" and so I never stoop to her level with my words, and to make sure I won't call her sometime I'm down, missing our old friendship.
Because in another 10 years, but I don't fit into her lifestyle or I'm no longer "cool" enough for her,
I know she would dump me for a third time.