hello my name is drunk and i am melissa

$4 champaign makes me happy. I plan to drink a bottle every day for the rest of my life.

It is okay if sometimes people (one SINGLE person, out of many, not many, really) fall asleep while you are having sex with them if you have already had sex at least four times that day and it is late at night. It is not personal. (although it's convienent to have a functioanl cock at that time, it's not very good - but props for faking it)

My newold (ongoing?) complex.

I like champaign, it makes me happy.

If you block pop-ups, your spell check won't work. I'm just saying.

rambling girl

April just informed me that I should probably order my bride's maid dress by the end of February - for a June wedding. I'll have to talk to the bridal people, but I see myself ordering it in late April. Will I be the worst friend ever if I cut it short?

My dad got a Fit Club membership and Kyle told me an add on is like $25. I'm going to look into that. I have a Racquet Club one, but it's over next next month. It was a present so the money doesn't actually come out of my account. Hopefully, actually paying for it myself and having friends to go with will help. I'm not looking forward to wearing a strapless dress ... There's a lot of arm fat right now and my boobs hang out of everything. Boobs are awesome, but excessive cleavage doesn't really seem christian-wedding appropriate.

April's fiance can't go to her friend Sarah's wedding in April, so I need to find something to wear to that one too. I have a really cute pencil, knee length skirt, that will fit great after about 15 more lbs. I can look for tops later. Shoes in my closet, however, are lacking. I used to have a million, but I've slowly been getting rid of the older ones and haven't been replacing them. And I love shoes! I need to rearrange my priorities to include more shoes. I don't even own black heels right now. Who doesn't have black heels??

I need to figure out a hair style I want. I like this one but I'm really scared of some stranger MN lady doing my hair. (and yes, I realize there is a nipple in that "hair" picture) I'm decent at doing hair so I should find a back up I can do myself and just have it done early by the professional.

I don't really want to drag a date on the 8 hour road trip for a wedding I'll be wrapped up doing wedding things and not available to hang out. And a reception that sounds like it is alcohol-free. I know, you're all just dying to offer your date-services right now. I'm fine with going by myself, staying in a hotel by myself, etc. but I know like three people outside of April's immediate family.

Screw it, I'll buying two bottles of raspberry vodka, some Sprite to mix it with and just relax. How buzzed is too much for wedding pictures? I would like to stay friends with the bride ...


I bought the soundtrack for the No Direction Home documentary Farah bought me for Christmas. It just showed up yesterday, along with another older Dylan documentary. I'm in heaven.

off your dick (Springfield's finest)

After attempting to take photos with a giant blow-up polar bear in a stranger-danger's front yardover the weekend, and falling over a ropes lodging said giant bear to the front lawn, and into the mudgrass.

We safely arrived at one the the trashiest bars in town, Third Base.

After arriving at Third Base and admiring the many thug-life manboys, mullets and overly-tanned women, with frizzy hair, showing off their post-pregnancy, stretch-marked bellies, we heard this,

"I really want to do a line of coke off a guy's dick tonight."

From the fine lady who insisted we call her "Ram", and whose hair hadn't been washed in at least a week.