Real life last one

No one likes it when the main character dies in the end, so this would be the real life last one.

Alternate Ending

I kicked out
my therapist and flushed
down the pills. I retired
my razor and washed
all of the spoons.

I stopped counting
the hairs as they fell
from my head. I ripped out
the notebook pages to burn
in a flower pot.

I regained
my sex, quickly
then slowly.

I unmarried
my mattress and took
up a man with good genes
and an IRA.