Shit Happens

Monday, September 11, 2006

SPANX

Check out my most recent impulse buy:


Yes, I realize I purchased over-priced footless pantyhose. But the ad said they were designed to flatter my ass, in pants.

After spending at least 10 minutes to get the damn wanna-be-pantyhose/tights on (we're both still in one piece!) I've decided that they're a yeast infection waiting to happen.

But damn, my ass looks hot.

(I haven't worn pantyhose for years, do they all take that long to shimmy into?)

And I don't even care that much about how my ass looks. I rarely bother wearing thongs to work. I wear boring cotton underwear with flowers or cherries or margaritas on them everyday (unless someone might see them ...)

But today I am wearing scary Spanx. I will probably start wiggling in my seat by this afternoon. I'll end up sharing the handicap stall with the smelly bulimic/laxative lady (we really have one - and she's skinny but the bathroom smells disgusting) and figure out how to get out of these suckers standing up.

4 Comments:

  • At 12:31 PM, Blogger Amanda said…

    I wore those with a scary skinny bridesmaid dress once...I wouldn't recommend it on a daily basis. Maybe you're just out of practice with the pantyhose?

     
  • At 2:01 PM, Blogger Rockstar Jessie said…

    Dear Melissa-

    Please don't take over my bathroom stall. You have several others to choose from. Do I invade your cubicle to rid my body of unwanted fluids?

    Signed,
    Your Aromatic Coworker

     
  • At 3:49 PM, Blogger Marilyndrew said…

    UPDATE:

    I just saw a repeat of Operah's jeans special. She was wearing SPANX.

    If Operah wears them, you know they are good.

     
  • At 12:04 AM, Blogger Rockstar Jessie said…

    If Oprah wears them you know they will quickly GAIN and WAIN in popularity.

     

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