SPANX

Check out my most recent impulse buy: Yes, I realize I purchased over-priced footless pantyhose. But the ad said they were designed to flatter my ass, in pants. After spending at least 10 minutes to get the damn wanna-be-pantyhose/tights on (we're both still in one piece!) I've decided that they're a yeast infection waiting to happen. But damn, my ass looks hot. (I haven't worn pantyhose for years, do they all take that long to shimmy into?) And I don't even care that much about how my ass looks. I rarely bother wearing thongs to work. I wear boring cotton underwear with flowers or cherries or margaritas on them everyday (unless someone might see them ...) But today I am wearing scary Spanx. I will probably start wiggling in my seat by this afternoon. I'll end up sharing the handicap stall with the smelly bulimic/laxative lady (we really have one - and she's skinny but the bathroom smells disgusting) and figure out how to get out of these suckers standing up.