Shit Happens

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Just because it would fit in there doesn't mean you should actually put it in ...

In college, I had a roommate (Kelly) who had the most perfect, thin, ski-jump nose. Although her dad is a famous musician, I believe the nose was 100% hers.

I wish I had a photo online to post. She also had the most perfect real-life D-size breasts ...

My first real boyfriend (Nick) told me I had a piggy nose. I know, he was a sweetheart. He would also tell me whenever I gained a pound or two- he was extremely thoughtful - I have a whole book's worth of charming stories about him.

These are pictures of my nose, my favorite facial feature. *Oink! Oink!*


Although I enjoy my cute, "piggy" nose, here is a list I found of typical nose complaints:

too large
too flat
too humped
too wide or fat
too thin
too long
too short
too pinched looking
hanging columella
breathing problems
asymmetry, in general
a bifid (BEYE-fid) tip (where there is a ditch between the two tip cartilages, sometimes horribly referred to as "buttnose")
scar tissue build up from breaks
not angled enough
angled too much
career advancement (borderline)

Apparently, these are rational complaints. (I haven't received a raise my because my nose isn't professional enough - I knew it!)

Here's a list of unhealthy, irrational ones:

wanting more 'dates' or to attract a mate
gain popularity
Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) or other self image disorders
low self esteem due to emotional issues without apparent reason
weight problems
eating disorders
deficient chin
deficient jaw/mandible
weak or prominent maxilla (upper jaw)
for someone else
career advancement (borderline)

I'm not even going to comment on this list.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Popped Cherry

My stat counter picked up this:

It also informed me that you may have found my site by searching "shit happens" or "popped cherry."

I don't really think I discuss popped cherries so much, but this search turns up often.

So what is bloglines and do any of you use it?

Monday, May 08, 2006

Off the top of my (cranky) head

In case there is someone left that I haven't offended -

1) People with SUVs complaining about gas prices. You drive a damn SUV!! I'll cut you a little slack if you have children or regularly haul cargo, but to everyone else - trade it in or shut the fuck up.

2) People who act like the rest of us without children have no stress or anything meaningful in our lives. Buy some fucking condoms! It's nice that you made it through nine months of pregnancy and childbirth. It's even nicer if you actually planned and budgeted for this special bundle of joy. However, you did not actually accomplish anything spectacular by getting pregnant. I am not a lesser person because I choose not to get pregnant. People have been having babies for a while, you didn't come up with anything new.

3) People who are poor and get free shit (excluding children and the disabled). I'm thousands of dollars in debt from school because my parents make X amount of money. I have NOTHING to do with how much money my parents make and after we graduate, the low income people (who received the low-cost school) and I make the same amount of money. Except they have more disposable income because they have less debt. I do not want to hear about how your shit is free because you have kids/a shitty job/ got divorced. I pay an assload for my health insurance. Don't tell me about your free shit. Get a second job and take out loans like the rest of us.

4) People who drink and drive. I'm not perfect, but I've never downed beers while driving! This is not information that is going to impress a lady. Please don't tell me about how you drove 120 mph to your destination, while downing a 6 pack. Just don't.

In case you haven't noticed, I've been inexplicably angry lately. Expect undue bitchiness and intolerance to continue until it passes.