Shit Happens

Friday, August 11, 2006

Dear Blog Gods,

I passed on gossip to my boss to score points and make conversation.

I feel appropriately disgusted and don't plan to do it again.

Please forgive me.

Sincerely, Marilyndrew

Thursday, August 10, 2006

I almost forgot

Happy HNT!!

Uncurling from the fetal position

Did I tell you that I HATE staying in hotels? I think they are filthy. I don't like not having my own things. I especially hate their filthy duvet covers. I've never lived in apartment and am not used ot hearing neighbors. My neighbors will probably be having sex without me and I'll get fired when I get back for ordering porn in my room.

Does anyone want to go on a fun two-day Chicago trip with me (Wed.-Fri.)? You drive. I have stuff all day, but the hotel is in the loop. Gas is paid for, parking is paid and I will bring clean sheets.

At least I get to smoke.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

To The Girls Upstairs

This is way old and has been published in some other stuff, but it was also just accepted in the new Springfield writing magazine, The Writer's Block.

Since I feel so negatively about the older stuff I've written, I should spend less time concerning myself with how I am going to handle my sex life and less time drinking myself stupid, and more time writing. I'll let you know how that works out. :)

To the Girls Upstairs

You are nice; it is lucky we are neighbors.

I don’t have cable, but you do
and I feel as if I’m there with you
and your T.V. friends
until past midnight each night.

I don’t feel I have the standard music staples
every college student should own. But you play The Dead -
pictures, posters, and paraphernalia greet me
when I come to the door. Through you,
I receive my daily dose of classic rock.

And techno. I don’t care for it myself
but my roommate loves it.
It’s convenient that you’ve picked up the C.D.s
she hasn’t purchased herself.

It is too bad about the heat
but 62 is more than enough
to prevent pipes from freezing. I heard
the girls last year bought space heaters.
Maybe you’ll get one for your bird.
I know he gets cold.

I bet your ferrets are especially cute
when they huddle together in the night.

Do they mate more in the winter?
If not, they may be distracted by the television. You could
buy movies, to set the mood.

I have extra blankets you can borrow; I have five
on my bed alone. But I’ve heard your furniture move
and assume the activity
keeps you warm.

My roommate says it’s your bed banging
But your boyfriend only visits
every other weekend.

I do not feel it is my place
to ask. Instead, I keep my eyes open
for any rearranging.

I wish I was a giant panda

Giant pandas ovulate ONCE a year (ONE period). And have a breeding period of 24-48 hours. TWO DAYS out of the entire year they may become pregnant. When they do become pregnant, their half-pound babies usually die.

These are the things I fantasize about.
I'm heartless, I know.